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Gansor
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Country: United States
State: Ohio
Birthday: 10/4/1979
Gender: Male
Interests: Chess, archery, knife/sword collecting, reading
Expertise: jack of all trades and master of none
Occupation: Other
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
3/18/2002
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| 12/29/04 11:49am
thanks for the support given guys. these past few weeks have been rough on me. fo those of you who have not been reading the news, about a week ago, a nasty ice storm hit ohio and took out power for somewhere around 200,000 people. i happened to be one of them. and i put in 14 hours right after waking up to having no juice and waking up to 55 degrees in the apartment. i went home and slept at 45 degrees here because i was too tired to pack up and go somewhere else. yeah. it's been a rough week. my power came back on at about 1am christmas morning. merry christmas. probably the best gift i got. | | |
| "i'll marry the first woman who actually notices the rings under my eyes and cares"
just a thought that struck me as i lay in bed trying to go to sleep. it is the little things you miss the most when there is noone else in your life. there i no one there for you to take care of when you feel like babying someone, and thre is no one there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. (yes i am a man, and yes i do cry. admittedly not very often and not for a long time)
i have never been all that certain about the social aspects of my life. i have never been certain on whether or not i will have kids. i have never been decided on whether or not i will marry. hell there was a time when i was not sure whether or not i would ever have a girlfriend. in some ways, i have resolved to take life as it comes. if things go one way, i will marry and live that life, maybe have kids, but try to have someone i can grow old withr. if life goes another way i will live out my life on my own in hermitage (if that is even possible for me). this resolution has been hard to adhere to lately though. there are too many things that need changed, and in some cases should be changed.
heh, i think i am starting to ramble on. but these pages are just another piece of the endless reaches of my own mind. if you can't bve a bore in your own mind, where can you? know what i mean? i wonder what my friends would think if they read these pages. well, these pages and the handwritten journal i infrequently keep of my mre private(read: more potentially damaging to other/ my very personal opinion) thoughts. it probably would change things, but who knows. no one can know the heart of a man. regardless with who or what he is allied with. more often than not, not even the man himself knows what is in his own heart.
enough rambling for one night, i will try to sleep again. good night world, may your dreams be sweet and plentiful
--Dethknyte | | |
| image is a strange thing. you spend so much time working at it, perhaps even unconsiously, and then you get locked into it. i spent most of my teenage years developing what is me. the black clothing, the dark music, the dark tastes. now that i am older, i find that i am a bit different than i was. and i find it hard to change. how does someone who has set himself to look tough and cold, show real emotion? how can someone who laughs at death in film, be moved by a love story? perhaps the answer is simple to you. it's not to me. when i was growing up, any emotion beyond anger and perhaps laughter was a weakness. one that could be used against you by any number of sources. hard learned lessons from that time seem to stick too. to the point that i find it hard to get close to others and even to open up to myself.
i guess the best way to put it is, i need to find myself again. like most things in my life, i am unsure where to start. i don't really have a role model to follow. and i have no friends that really know exactly what i am going through. it;s like i am trying to reconcile what is two completely different aspects of myself. first aspect being that of my teenage years. the cold, emotionless Dethknyte. the second being more of a warmer me. perhaps that of childhood would be the best description. as of yet they are irreconcileable. there is no way to be dark and open. at least not a way for me. you can't be removed from life and open to it all at once. it's simply not possible. but that is the struggle within.
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| 9/26/04 10:24pm
i don't seem to update often enough anymore, but i have a lot to talk
about right now. well, where do i want to start. i'll start
with my new favorite hobby, SCA fighting. it's a lot of fun, and
according to the guys teaching me i am doing pretty well. it's
just that when i fight them they club me like a baby seal. it's a
learning experience. they just happen to use both modes of
teaching, the easy way (explaining) and the hard way
(beatdown/demonstration). the big lesson learned today was don't
throw a low shot in unless you are prepared to block the next
shot. and it looks like Edmund (best fighter in the area and one
of the best in the kingdom) will be helping make some new armor.
so hopefully i will have some stuff that protects better, and allows me
a better range of movement. i'll try to keep the people who still
read the log posted on my progress.
on another note, i have switched areas at Fedex. instead of
running three self sufficient groups, i am now running two groups that
need constant babysitting. and those two groups are pretty much
the heart of the ops as far as finishing on time is concerned.
and i have a hard deadline that i musty be finished by. no matter
what. so if my people are sucking ass or calling in (and they
love to call in sick) so i am stressing like you wouldn't
believe. they drive me insane sometimes. they bicker and
bitch for the pettiest reasons, some of them think they are in charge
when they are not, and some are just plain lazy/worthless. it's
gonna be interesting when i start cleaning house. and that will
probable start within the next few weeks. i want a workgroup that
works before peak season hits.
also on the work front, i am now working two jobs. one of the
guys i work with at Fedex runs a side business called PC solutions
(www.needpchelp.com). and since there business was picking up,
they have hired me on as a tech. so now i spend my mornings and
afternoons going to people's houses and fix their computers. it's
an interesting job, and so far i haven't had too many problems.
but i have run across some of the oddest problems. i have seen
computers doing things that i have no idea how to fix beyond
formatting. and formatting sucks mad ass.
that's life at the moment for me. more to come later.
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| 8/22/04 11:10pm
Well, i am finally back from my vacation at the Pennsic War in PA. for those not in the know, it is an event for the SCA ,
and i had a helluva a time there. i was able to participate in
all the battles (two field, one woods, three bridge, two fort)
there would have been another two battles(both mountain pass), but they
got called due to lightning. the highlight of the canceled battle
was the comment of one of the commanders ("when i give word, attack the
right side and break their spirits a little more") my favorite
thing out of all the battles would have been fighting in the woods
which was cool as hell, and using a crossbow in the third bridge
battle. normally, i am not an effective fighter, put a crossbow
in my hands and i get deadly :). all in all it was a good week,
and once i gain access to a real machine i will upload picutres.
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